


Steak and a Blowjob

by sageness



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Bad Fic, Canon - TV, F/M, Humor, M/M, Mpreg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-01-06
Updated: 2006-01-06
Packaged: 2017-10-03 19:12:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sageness/pseuds/sageness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"No, see, my mom was obsessed with what the neighbors would think about every little stupid thing, so I started ballet when I was three. Like three-year-olds can dance."</p><p>"That sounds young."</p><p>Laura shrugs. "I did that for twelve years and I did tap for nine, jazz for, like, four, maybe? Hated it. And then I turned fifteen and could finally hold my dad's twelve-gauge without falling over?"</p><p>Carson nods nervously.</p><p>"That's when I discovered it's a <em>lot</em> more fun to blow shit up."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Steak and a Blowjob

**Author's Note:**

> Written for svmadelyn's [Badfic Summary Mini-Ficathon](http://www.livejournal.com/users/svmadelyn/321001.html). Scrunchy's Prompt/Summary: _Just a normal day. Carson spends an evening with a lady friend or does he? Jon has a secret, but will it destroy his relationship with Rodney? Or will the surprise farther their love ... with sexy results? WARNING: het (implide)._

"I thought we could grill," Laura says. She's wearing khakis and a white halter top and her hair's pulled back in a ponytail.

Carson feels a mite overdressed.

"Grab that bag with the steaks and stuff, would you?" She hefts the grill onto one hip and balances the propane tank on the other. "We're going this way," she says, leading them out the door toward this hall's communal terrace.

"Where did you find a barbeque?" Carson's taken completely off-guard, but it's easy to keep his eyes fixed on her ass walking ahead of him.

"One of the labs."

He uncorks the wine he brought and pours it into plastic cups as she sets up the grill.

"To steak," she says.

"To steak, then," Carson answers.

~

John fucks Rodney deep. He fucks him hard. He fucks him like a porn star, flipping him from his back to his knees to lying on his side with one leg scissored over John's shoulder while John straddles the other.

Damn, they're good at this.

Then John feels a weird twinge inside when he comes. It's not in his dick. It's not in his balls. He's never felt anything like it, but it doesn't hurt, and it goes away when his orgasm's gone.

He thinks if it happens again, he'll ask Beckett for a checkup.

~

"No, see, my mom was obsessed with what the neighbors would think about every little stupid thing, so I started ballet when I was three. Like three-year-olds can dance."

"That sounds young."

Laura shrugs. "I did that for twelve years and I did tap for nine, jazz for, like, four, maybe? Hated it. And then I turned fifteen and could finally hold my dad's twelve-gauge without falling over?"

Carson nods nervously.

"That's when I discovered it's a _lot_ more fun to blow shit up."

~

Spider-swamps were not supposed to be real.

They get back, clean up, and Rodney tells John to fuck him now and fuck him _hard_, or else.

He does.

But when he comes, there's another twinge.

The next morning at breakfast, John pulls Beckett out of the line and asks him if he can work him in early.

John's sitting in Beckett's office when the lab-work comes back. John watches him read it and tries not to jump down his throat with every hem and hum. Then Beckett flips the page and says, "Oh dear."

~

Cadman cancels dinner due to a case of alien poison ivy. Her neck and arms are blotchy and red, and she's high as kites on antihistamines.

Carson brings ice cream and Zelenka's copy of _Demolition Man_. They sit in her bed, giggling and mocking Stallone, and have a lovely, itchy evening.

~

"No!" John's adamant.

Still, Carson grounds him. Weir has to be notified of why, and Carson threatens to do it for him if John won't.

John responds by punching him.

He apologizes instantly, helps him up off the floor, and even gets a cold-pack from the infirmary freezer for his eye.

"Sorry," John says. "Hormones."

Carson looks at him gravely. "Aye, Colonel."

~

Cadman shows up with a fresh cold-pack and _Dirty Dancing_, and Carson wonders how she knew.

They snuggle on Carson's bed. Carefully.

~

Shit, shit, shit. John is so not ready to deal with this, but he does it. He marches his grounded ass down the corridor and…walks in on Ronon and Teyla. Shit.

"Can you come back?" Ronon finally asks, after John's stood in the doorway for a full minute.

Fuming, John turns around and leaves. He goes five steps and then about-faces right back inside. "No, it can't wait!" he shouts at Ronon's back, watching the muscles flex as he thrusts.

Ronon growls, "What the hell is your problem, Sheppard?"

"I'm pregnant and it's yours, you asshole!"

He watches Ronon and Teyla exchange a dark look. "How is that even possible?" Ronon asks.

"That's what I'd like to know," Rodney says, from the open doorway behind him.

Shit.

~

"Look! No more rash!" Laura says, twirling.

"That's wonderful!"

"Dance with me!" she says, moving into his space.

"I can't, love," he hedges. "Really, I'm quite dreadful."

"I'll show you! See, just move your hips…slow, like that." She grips him by the pockets and pulls him in close.

Words fail him.

~

"You let Ronon fuck you?" Rodney yells. "When the _fuck_ did you let Ronon fuck you?"

John sighs. He doesn't need this shit. The baby doesn't need this shit. Christ…baby. The thing inside him is a _baby!_ "Remember the place with the ritual and the spears and the angry people?" John snaps.

"Oh." Rodney swallows and looks abashed. He remembers.

"Yes, _oh_. Besides which, it was before you and I hooked up anyway, so it's not like I was cheating or anything."

Rodney doesn't say anything. John doesn't say anything either. In six months, he's going to be a fucking _mom_. How the fuck is he going to go on missions with a kid? Maybe it'll fit in his pack. Or he can rig a harness to his vest. Yeah.

"You're going to be a mom," Rodney murmurs in awe.

"I guess."

"That's…"

"Look, I know it's --"

"We could get married!" Rodney looks up, eyes dancing. "It's legal in Ontario. We could go our next leave. Or…no. The Asgard drive isn't approved for pregnant mothers yet. Shit."

"It's okay, Rodney. Besides, Ronon wants to help raise him, too. Mumbled something about his boy being a warrior's son. Then Teyla started making noises about her people that I tuned out, but I think she's on board, too."

"That's terrifying," Rodney says.

"It really is."

"Can I fuck you now?"

"Yeah, okay. I really think I need it, actually."

"I'll be gentle."

"Cool."

~

"Knitting looks hard."

"It's much easier than it looks, love. Easier than demolitions, too, I'd bet."

She eyes him doubtfully. "Want a blowjob?"

Carson blinks once, twice…then he puts the needles back in his yarn basket.


End file.
